A McSteamy Boss

Talk about Cougarism! Most Cougars I know go after young guys..who not necessarily may have the money or power or authority for that matter. Cougars just love Cubs who depend on them physically, emotionally and sometimes financially.

But this Cougar for the first time EVER was so taken in by a CERTAIN CUB from Hammy 3’s office yesterday * although the age difference was no more than 4 years, I’d still categorized him as a CUB*. And by the way this Cub comes with power and authority..aka known as Hammy 3’s BOSS!!!!!!

I popped by Hammy 3’s office yesterday to get a de-briefing (tho I’d have loved to ‘de-brief THAT CUB…AHEM!) for a re-branding exercise that Hammy 3’s firm was planning for. Quite honestly, I have always tho of Hammy 3’s boss as this really old, short, stout bald man…but LOL and BEHOLD! Was I wrong cos when he walked in the conference room this was exactly what happened inside my head *in the following sequence*:

*Eyes was so wide open you could see my brains on the other side*

*OH-MY-FARKING hell! What suave n sexy creature is this?*

*Didn’t realize legal people can be that HOT!*

*This CANNOT BE HAMMY 3’s boss*

(Of course being a gentleman, he came and shook my hands to introduce himself)

*I am so not letting go of his hands! Do you think I can pull him over and give him a sort of WELCOME HUG and BIG ASS SQUEEZE???*

(Stares at Hammy 3 with this across my face *why didn’t you farking tell me your boss was THIS HOT LOL!*)

And of course, he sat, briefed about the meeting and what were his expectations..and blah blah blah blah….*SHITE!Think I missed more than half of what he was telling me…hmmm shit! Shit! Shit! Dunno if I can call Hammy 3 to get another de-briefing???Damn!*…and WHY I missed half the briefing cos these were what I was thinking:

*Check out that baldness (yep he is also bald!)…and you know what that means (smiles)*

*Bald = high testosterone level = HIGH SEX DRIVE!*

*Quick! Gotta think of how to get Hammy 3 out of the conference room so that I can have the BOSS all to myself..mua hahahahaha*

*Hmmm….the conference table looks good enough..kinky! I could so sweep everything off the table and maul him right there and then*

(Then I heard some fingers snapping at me….Got BIG EVIL stares from Hammy 3 with the look that literally says “NO NO…I know exactly what you are thinking. Stop having virtual sex with my BOSS!)

Yes…in the next 6 weeks…this Cougar will have so much fun visiting Hammy 3’s office…and I am sure Hammy 3 will be very very BUSY with his other clients and won’t have the time to deal with me…well..I am ok to just deal with THE BOSS!

Damn! Don’t you just love men with power and authority…..I know I DO!

Return the Innocence

Have you ever realized how wonderful kids can be? *although Hammy 3 would beg to differ given how his nephews was trying to pull his brand new carpet apart!*

But, really, at times they can be wee bit annoying…but many a times they can surprise you with their innocence. A recent encounter with some of friend’s kids proved exactly that:

Encounter 1:

Kid: Mom, what is po po (translated to granny) cooking for CNY reunion dinner? Are we getting the ‘Chinese Chicken?’ (eventually I found out Chinese Chicken means the steamed chicken)

Encounter 2:

My friend’s husband was making spaghetti for one of our lunch gathering. Has a 6 year old kid. Whilst the hubby was cooking, I playfully asked the boy:

ME: U like spaghetti with tomato sauce?

KID: aha!

ME: Do u know what tomato look like? Go run to the kitchen and show me.*of course, kid happily goes running into the kitchen*

Guess what he came out with…..a bottle of Prego tomato sauce! *slapped my forehead and could not stop laughing!*

And you would think with all the advancement in technology like more ASTRO educational channels, these kids will be better exposed???? Obviously not! Gone are the days when we (as kids) used to play in the rain, climb trees and chase grandma’s chickens round the backyard!

Parent are also getting wayyyyy too protective…and too much distractions from the likes of WII, PSP *I’ve even lost track of what PSP number we are at now*, Nintendos!...

All I am saying is this, there should be a balance in kids’ life now…yah yah they can have all the wonderful tech games and gadgets, but allow them that space to truly enjoy the childhood years… the fun of climbing trees, play real football, monkey-ing around with friends under the sun..

Roaring start..

What a week it’s been! It all started last week leading to CNY…sure all of us went through it…the last minute shopping, jams every bloody-fucking-where! Messing around with the raw fish thingy, cookies tasting (excuse!) etc etc etc…

Yours truly here had the same fair share of the VCNY (Valentine-Chinese-New-Year) bloody rush and driving psycho-mom around too..*oops…and u wonder where I got my psycho-ness from*

As usual, with the Hammies and many other good friends, this VCNY had its moments and highlights throughout the week, amongst which are these:

1) Kicking off VCNY with great makan, as always with the Hammy Trifecta, LB, K and IS (from Down-under), EA, T3. Highlight for this dinner: when ALL of us gladly shouted TOGETHER during lou-sang…”MORE MORE SEX” so fucking loud that we had the next table with this on their faces “are they for real??!!!”....sad cos no one thought of “more prosperity, perhaps?”

2) YEAH!!!!! Got my Berry-Hitam aka BlackBerry!!!!...so the hapi…called Hammy 3 and this conversation clearly confirms i-Duh!

ME: hehehe…guess wat…got my BLACKBERRY!!!! WOOHOO!!!!

HAMMY 3: Oh good…quick give me your BBM pin number!

ME: *looooooonnnngggggg pondering silence*….errr BBM pin? Wat’s that?

HAMMY 3: *slaps forehead*…ya allah! It is the Blackberry Messenger pin number??...*pondering silence*…wait…do you even have the data package yet?

ME:*loooooooonnnggggggg pondering silence…again*…wat data package? I already have an existing mobile number mah! Why so confusing one???

HAMMY 3: u need data package so that u can surf wifi outside?? And how the hell did u get the BlackBerry without the bloody data package?!!! WOMAN!!!!!!

Yes…yours truly has once again proven that i-DUH….

3) The Amazing Race Asia Season 4 audition is on! This psycho bitch have been trying and trying for the longest time to get Hammy 3 into this since TARA started. And of course, u know I can be like a dog-with-a-bone…tried convincing Hammy 3, yet again during lunch:

ME: eh…we are going for the audition…will plan the storyboard for our video audition!

HAMMY 3: NOPE! The Queen does NOT race! And furthermore, the Queen needs her entourage! And I can’t take freaking 6 weeks off work! My boss will kill me!

ME: But why?!!! We will make such nice couple on national television…so much drama! And who knows, your mom could be watching and we could officially have you ‘out’ then..on national TV lol!!

HAMMY 3: *ignores and continue digging into his chendol*… I won’t get to bring my laptop, blackberry, iPod! No communication to the real world!!!!...NO NO NO

ME: Come on lah…can u imagine the both of us crossing the finishing line???

HAMMY 3: Think woman….NO RPM FOR 6 BLOODY WEEKS! And NO BLOG TOO?!!

HAMMY 2: And NO sex for 6 weeks??!! LOL hell no…you can count me out!

*End of topic*

Don’t you just love the holidays and festive seasons? So much to do, eat and catching up with friends and love ones. Not to mention the difficulty in starting the ‘work engine’…already for some people and very soon for some of us.

Hope all of you had a roaring VCNY…and remember to stay beautiful and sexy…no matter your gender!

The Sex-duction Codes..

I finally got to meet IS and K, blog friends whom I ‘met’ from Hammy 3’s blog. IS comes from Down Under and is very cute and adorable - think big grizzly bear with a tender side. And K is the coolest cat around! (In case someone missed the memo, IS and K are an item)

Having spent last 2 days with IS and K, this psycho bitch got to learn some interesting seduction facts from the ‘Down Under-ers’…*mind you, these are very interesting facts…at least to someone straight like me! YES, in case someone missed the memo, again, I love men LOL*

Here goes..The Hanky Code – apparently this is a very old coding system, almost like Morse Code. But only certain “HAPPY” community will understand the code. The Hanky Code is a traditional form of signaling to others what your sexual preferences and interests are. In the earlier days when gay-ism was still a taboo, they used this code to communicate with each other in the noisy and distracting environment of gay bars. Apparently it is not as widely used these days.

Just some quick lesson on how this works - Hankies are usually worn in either the back left or right pockets, however, they can also be worn around the wrist, around the ankle or leg at the thigh above the knee, or around the neck with the knot/tie going either right or left. Other objects can also be used such as keys and key chains or watch fobs and even a set of handcuffs (Bondage), to let people know if you are 'top' or 'bottom'. Left = Top/Active and Right = Bottom/Passive. If worn in the back on the center belt loop, it translates as 'versatile'. *wow..such interesting facts..never realized they have a whole lot of fun in their dating scene*

Can you imagine if we all (as in the straight blokes) had some kind of code too? Especially for men and women who are shy and are afraid of taking rejection in their face? *hehehe…I can so imagine my good friends’ code*

Hammy 2 Code – she will have a sign (literally hung around her) that says “Wanna screw? My place NOW!”

Hammy 3 Code – He will send his Emilys out with signs hung around them “Can you speak the Queen’s English? If yes, pls do the Queen’s wave and take a no!”

LB’s Code – “Code? What bloody code? No need Code code all..if a man likes me he will like what he SEES, no need send signal all…wasting time..anyway I got to go back cook, mop n wash!”

EA Code – “I am confused. What Code we talking about? Banking Code of Ethics?”

Can you so imagine if we all had to send codes out to get the men and the sex?? And what if it was in WOPWOP Land….? Or do we need to find other ways of serenading for and to our dates? “No Panties” perhaps…*winky*

And with the BIG V day just round the corner, we can already see how we are gonna be swooned..with or without the codes….

Period, menstruation, bleeding…we, women know exactly how that “once-a-month” visits feel like. I remember in the early school days when I was in Std 6, how the teachers had to start educating us about it and what to do, what not to do…*actually I just realized one thing…they forgot to tell us how NOT to get pregnant!*

And the best part was teaching us how to wear a bloody pad (no no, the pad that they used to show us was not bloodied lah). Mind you they didn’t have tampons back then …*ok guys, DO NOT SNIGGER…cos that would have been an indication as to how old I am??*. But, nevertheless, using pads back then was already such a nuisance. Being physically active (not the sexual kind, iissshhh!!), having to run around in pads during netball training (ahem! Yes, yours truly played netball for the school and state level…ok! Don’t play play ah) was no fun, cos of these reasons:

1. Feels like you are running with something stuck between your legs (tho the other more “solid-stick’’ stuck between the legs would have been much better LOL)
2. Especially after a heavy workout *yours truly here don’t sweat, I literally turn on the tap on my sweat glands*, feels like something ‘squishy’…EEEWWWWWW….
3. Does anyone of you know what iron smells like….ok enuf said..yucks!
4. Hopefully and cross your finger that the team’s jersey for that year didn’t come in white!

Then along came tampons!!! The best invention ever for us, but of course, just like anything new when it was first launched, there were questions…*how to use ah? Wah so small..can absorb meh? Errr…how to throw ah…etc etc…*

I personally cannot live without it now…it is the most comfortable and discreet thing ever created by mankind (EA, if you are reading this blog, these are for you…hahaha):

1. You no longer feel like something is stuck between your legs (tho I still would not mind the other “solid-stick” between my legs doing other stuff LOL) (and EA, it will not get ‘lost’ in your body!)
2. No more ‘squishy’ feeling! (Oh what a feeling!...think this old Toyota slogan would have been more apt for tampon brand)
3. No more smell!
4. Hmm…as for the wearing anything white during this period…I would still NOT do it…cos you never know…you may just accidentally leak..cos you forgot to take it out because of point 1 above? (and yes EA, there is a very very very strong string which you can use to un-plug it out)
5. You can almost rely on a man-friend to help you get a box cos it is quite a discreet-looking pack (or in my case…THANK YOU LB for saving my life last week! I must say LB was very good at picking it out after a short briefing from me! )

But, it really doesn’t matter what are your preferences, be it pads or tampons, as long as you are happy not seeing (or smelling) red, (we all know too well how having our period can be very irritating, causes bad mood swings )

Ladies, just be happy that we are normal menstruating women! And some good guys or gals actually thought of these ingenious pads and tampons…imagine our period moments with ‘leaves’…

PJ's, Teddies or nothing?

I was talking to one of my girlfriends and she related this incident to me. She has a 19 year old son who is currently pursuing some psychology shit degree at a local college. Apparently, the whole class was given this ridiculous survey/poll to study about sleeping patterns and amongst the questions in that survey is something along the lines of "what do you sleep in?"...*apparently what you sleep in reflects your personality/character..etc etc...hmmm yeah, right!* I am thinking..hey he is 19 years old and probably very very curious as to what we women sleep in...after all 19 is the age of raging hormones!*
As with most polls, the questions were simple and short & responses were fair and balance for both male and female respondents. We obviously know who the clear winners are...just a quick summary of what my friend told me:(in ascending order):

1. Pajamas (PJs )

2. Footsie PJs

3. Underwear only

4. Underwear and some kind of top

5. Nude!!...*oohhh...I would love to know who these male respondents were

6. Different things on different nights

7. Teddies..? the toy ?

and of course, from this poll, they had to kinda 'decipher' what sort of personality you are..which I will not dwell into.
And just out of curiousity....so, what or should I say where EXACTLY do you sleep in? Try my poll ...hehehe...:
1. A house / your own / (another)...*wink*

2. A nightie / other

3. A state / any other state err...for weeknight FB nookie getaway? *wink*

4. The arms of your beloved / other (No no no...NOT ANOTHER'S LAH)

5. Just merely sleeping IN ...whenever possible LOL

6. A Teddy / Toy Teddy / Man who looks like a bear

Well, for me, it makes no difference, whatever or wherever you sleep in, as long as it is comfortable, just bloody do it!

GPS ...all systems GO!

GPS..a very interesting gadget! Almost everyone alive I know, has one..or two..depending on how many cars you drive. Everyone .....except yours truly! *yah yah yah...u must be thinking what age are you in woman??* One almost wonder how the bloody-fucking-hell did our parents/grandparents/ancestors got around those days without one of this?? Did they rely on the stars to guide them? perhaps insticntively they knew? or maybe even sniffed their way around?

But I have pretty much gotten around without it ever since its 'inception'..and I am doing fine...I think..altho Hammy 3 would beg to differ. I did tell Hammy 3 that I find GPS very boring..it is monotonous, very dull, too proper (as in perfect English). * I can so see Hammy 3 rolling his eyes*

But can you imagine if you get to design your own GPS..ie you get to choose whose voice, what language, what to say, what NOT to say..wouldn't that be interesting???

And, of course I can so imagine Hammy 2's GPS :

HAMMY 2's GPS ( Professional, of non-chinese descendant, vaguely Indian, think of the small island just below India) - Her GPS will definitely be of multiple male voice...not ONE...Imagine this when Hammy 2 gets into the car:

GPS : Good morning Hot Bunny...*loud lip smacking sound follows*

Hammy 2: Hi Hottie..*attempts to key in destination*

GPS : Are you done playing with my buttons?

Hammy 2 : Give me some time Hottie..am having trouble figuring which button to press...you have so many! *Knowing Hammy 2...she will just call Hammy 3 for help*

Hammy 3 : What do you mean you can't key in the destination? You made the GPS! ...oohhh..btw, is yr GPS 'happy'?*he he he*

Personally, wouldn't it be great to have GPS that could potentially say these:

*Turn right, u moron!

*Are you that stupid? Can't you spell the location correctly??

*Hey, isn't that your FB's place? ah..naughty, naughty!

*Don't test my patience. Quickly key in the bloody destination

*I am NOT taking you there. It's below my standard! And you are so not fucking make me go there

*Lights ahead. Slow down ...slow down..SLOW DOWN..NOW NOW NOW!!!!....(CRASH!!!BOOMZ BANG!)

*Ok woman...handbag (CHECK), wallet (CHECK), adjust mirror to apply lipstick (DONE),Hair check, put mirror back in place, safety belt on, gears checked, release hand break, press ACCELERATOR..

*Check out driver in car next to you...very hotzzzz

*Wah lau eh...what perfume did u use this morning??? *cough cough sneeze sneeze*

Yes, the wonders of Global Positioning System..hahaha...I think I got that right! for some one who is i-Duh..if only they would allow us to create our own GPS...choose your favourite voice-over, the tonality, the type of words to use..even maybe, just maybe..the colours..OMG...can you imagine a rainbow colour GPS!!! *wink wink Hammy3*

To all the men we love....

Yep...u read the title correctly! A recent catch-up with a friend overseas sparked the blog for today. Apparently, scientists have managed to 'create' spermatozoa (lay men calls it sperm/cum/amongst many other names). Do you realize what this means ladies? We may not need to rely on men anymore in the future for their sperm!!!

OMG!!! Men will most likely die a natural death...their egos being replaced thru test-tubing and being produced in some labs. That is like a 'slow-killer' for the guys.

And you know what that also means - *fast forward to the future* - the future will only be filled with women ...no more worrying about dirty shirts lying around, no more watching them channel-surfing, no more screaming if toilet seats are not put up, no more cans and cans of beers in the fridge....no more pretending that we enjoy screaming at their football
matchesh .....mmmmm...blissful!!!!...*think again...seriously...?"

We,the women species will also no longer need to worry about violence, rape, wife-beating, drunkard husbands or boyfriends, no more EPLs.

We, the women species, will get to choose who we want to "father" our babies...*wow...I can imagine whose spermatozoa will be snapped up! I WANT GERARD BUTLER'S!!!*....

Sounds great..doesn't it....hmmm..ladies, think again...

There will be no one to help us with the plumbing issues, who will change the light bulbs, no Chippendales. and worse of all...what will happen to dating and who will send us flowers and sweep us off our feet??!!

As interesting as technological advancement may sound, (also not to mention how half of us feel damn good about replacing the men), but can you imagine not waking up to a strong arm cuddling you, no one to say how thin you would look (altho you were not fat to begin with), no one to surprise you when all the light bulbs have been changed, no one to whisper "I love you"...no one to sit with you on the balcony when you are 60 years old...*hmmm....I am beginning to miss the men already*...

We can't live with them...we can't live without them too...but they are also the other species who complete us for who we are...so this is to all the men we love and who constantly drive us up the wall! XXXXX