CougarSex

Has anyone of you ever wondered..."how long do I have to wait to have sex after the first date? does it happen instantaneously, 3 months, 6 months later?". And how does this rule change if you are dating someone much much much younger (like 10-16 years apart..and ladies, you are the Cougar here).

For goodness sake, is that even a relevant question? Even when I was much younger, I never ever followed the "3-date-Rule", which my mother tried so feverishly to instill into my sisters and I. Define "3-date-Rule" - get past the 3rd date before the sex can happen..LOL! Personally, there should NOT be any rules..if it feels right, then go straight ahead (Disclaimer: I know I am no angel BUT I am not advocating 1st date sex...you ladies are old enough and above 18 years old to know EXACTLY what you are doing).

I've been thinking, since most of us in this playing field are labeled as the "older woman", why not live up to it and have a bit of fun..after all it is non-committal, but be responsible.

Recently, a Cougar friend of mine related this incident to me. She waited a good 6 months before the sex happened with her Cub. He was like almost 19 years her junior, and hell trust me..that boy is sizzling hot. My Cougar friend tried walking away so so many times..but in her words.."The sexual chemistry was unbelievable! Tension was higher than the tesnion wires outside my bloody condo!"

Anyway, she calls him her 'accidental Cub' - she consciously decided to unconsciously have sex with him...err...sounds ridiculous, yes, it does..but all it took was a couple of drinks!..Don't get me wrong, I am not an advocate of drunken sex either. And you won't believe how it happened. Apparently he had asked her for a dinner date with a couple of business people, through a text message! Gist of the sms-es:

CUB: Hi, u wanna do dinner with xx, yy

COUGAR: Sure, where?time?

CUB: Meet us atXXX

COUGAR: okok.(*at this point Cougar was thinking.."damn it boy, you are hot!"*)

CUB:We hang out after dinner? my place?

COUGAR: *went silent for couple of mins*....

CUB:Well, let's get it on..get over this tension btw us.

COUGAR:wokie!!!

HAHA...But she did tell me, when they got it on...alll she could think of was.."Oh Goodness, my cellulites are showing / my little tummy pouch is portruding / think my breasts will drop to the floor if he removes my bra / shit, I forgot to bloody shave....blah blah blah blah...but you know what, it's been 2 years now for them and they have been together ever since then. Congrats Cougar xx! *winky*

Bottom line : If the sexual chemistry is there, you like the Cub, and he feels the same with you,what's stopping you?? Cos once the vibes take over, it really doesn't matter how old you feel/look, how young he is, how fat you think you are, it's just going to happen!

What's the worst that could happen....is if he won't stop calling you...Enjoy Cougars!

Wear the Paw with Pride

Mention Cougars....images of Mrs Robinson in a girdle and garters, smoke billowing around her head as she seduced a willing Benjamin...*nah..it is not Mrs Robinson who was horny...am sure Benjamin wanted it too...:-)..*

And it doesn't help when the media play up images of 40 year old women clad in leopard leotards, showing way too much cleavage, voguing around in 6 inches stilletos, getting drunk at bars and dragging home a young prey.....*hey, at this point you may be thinking - isn't this just about sex??*...Well, what happened is that the media (and general public) have tagged these women similiar to Stiffler's Mom ( as in the film American Pie, remember?). Well, personally...(from the little experience that I have and from speaking to women who are Cougars), these people obviously have got all the generational dating and psychosexual imprinting ( translated as Cougar and Cub dating) all messed up! I choose to believe is not just about the sex...it's the whole nine yards! and I do think that some of these young men do get upset that their desires for Cougars are triviliazed.

So, who are these Cougars? How do you recognise and define them? How about those women in their 20's, 30's..are they Cougars too? NO, NO, NO...pls be informed that even in this playing field..there are hierachy. Women who decides to join in, must realize their standing..AHEM!

Majority of women in their 40's-50's are COUGARS. Those in their 30's are PUMAS. Women in their 20's are KITTENS. There are also those in their 60's and above, whom we call the PANTHERS.

Pumas and Kittens are considered as "Cougars in training". But as far as the whole bloody world is concern, all of us in Cougar-dome are just known plainly as Cougars...*so, everyone out there, pls take note of the different hierachy..consider it similiar to the British Royal Family Standards!*

Actually, thinking about it, Cougars are not necessarily your stereotyped "mature, sexy, confident, rich" , there could be some 'fresh' out of a stale and boring 20 year old marriage or just worried about the extra 30 pounds. And when some young stud actually finds her attractive for non-other than physical reasons, she gets attracted ! *errr....ladies, fantasizing doesn't count!*

But whoever you are, just remember being a Cougar is nothing to be ashamed of, it is not a derogatory term, do not feel guilty and you are NOT a 'cradle-snatcher' ! Ageism is the last barrier we are breaking down in dating!

YOU define what a Cougar is for yourself. Do not let anyone else define it for you..just remember Cougar's basic ingredients= older woman who dates, mates and/or marries a younger man!

Like someone once told me this : As a Cougar..."Wear the Paw with Pride!"

Cougar-ing...101

Thought I'd dedicate this week's blog to Cougars, Cougar-ing, and Cougar Sex..etc etc etc..

So,Cougars...what are they? No no no..we are definitely not refering to those big furry animals with huge scary claws and deadly fangs for teeth.

Well, some of you may or may not have heard of the latest fad or fashion within the dating scene. There has been a sudden interest or influx with Cougars...aha..think Demi and Ashton, Madonna and her new boy..

For starters, let's get with the basics...Definition of Cougars:older women who are into dating younger men...simple! Nothing complicated about it...see what you like, ask for short term or long term fun, no strings attached...

It wasn't long ago when the idea of an older woman dating a younger guy was strictly a taboo. Now in this time and age, cougar-ing seems to be very in vogue.

Cougars tend to be divorcees, mature single ladies, fit and most of the time financially sound. And trust me, younger men adores Cougars...*not bcos Cougars remind them of their mothers!*...but rather the fact that they find Cougars irresistable due to Cougar's maturity and ability to carry on an intelligent, decent conversation! *and not have to put up with those whiny, giggly PYT or SYT!*

You do realize that for some strange reasons, it has always been ok for older men ( I call them Old Sausages) to date much younger women....hahaha..sure we make fun of these women and can't believe that a woman half his age could possibly care anything about him...let alone the sex..Hence, the taboo with Cougar-ing...cos it is not normal..?plzzzzzz.....

Ladies, there are many 'YES-es' to cougar dating. Dating a younger man can be exciting. For an older woman to be desired by a good looking, hotz passionate younger man who previously in history was considered off limits, is down right sexy, and definitely no Viagra is needed. There is no way in hell the hard bodied young stud need it!!! ?(imagine Taylor Lautner...yuuuummmmmmyyyy!!!)

For the mature woman just looking for some fun in and out of the bedroom, cougar-ing may be ideal. She can enjoy her cub's (err ..that is what Cougars call their younger men or toy boy!) company, and move on when the relationship has run its course. This can be perfect for the young man, as well, especially errmmm ...if he wants to learn a thing or two from the Cougars! The couple get to enjoy each other for awhile and sometimes a little longer than expected!

WARNING : Cougars would have to guard your heart. Cougars are, after all still women..and our species tend to fall and invest emotionally a wee bit more than we realize.

Ladies, if you ask me..,"is it worth it to engage in cougar-ing? "Of course...*would anyone say NO to Cougar-ing someone who looks like Taylor Lautner*. Most young men would answer with a definite, "YES!"

If you have yet to be a Cougar, well, at least for starter here..you get some idea of how the game is played.

If you are a Cougar, enjoy & savour every moment! Do not be ashamed of it! Embrace the word..and truly define yourself, and not by anyone else!

Cougar ...is just a bloody word!

p/s: watch out for next blog..."Hierachy in Cougar-dome"...yes...there are levels....:-)

When Nookie comes-a-calling....

Recently a friend of mine (who shall be known as Miss X here for P&C purposes) had just gone thru some mid-life crisis shit..yah yah yah...I was there before...but hers was a different sort...errr...more sexual & physical related..*ok ok this is gonna be a PG 18 blog*...(so to those of you under 18 reading this, pls get your parental consent!*)


Anyway, moving into her early 40's....u know lah ..women at that age starts to think of the following:

*my breasts are inching towards my toes*

*i am getting sex once in 2 months*...DEFINITELY NOT A GOOD SIGN...after all sex IS another form of workout!

*i need a nip/tuck job every-freaking-where!*

*someone ...plzzzz recommend a fantasbulous plastic surgeon*

*crow-feet? what crow-feet???*

*how lah to fight with the younger chicks???*


Anyway, u get the big picture...this list can grow and grow...so Hammy 2 and Hammy 3 (who by the way are experts when it comes to men, slutting etc etc) decided that X should be heading towards Cougarism..aha!Think Demi Moore and Ashton..yup. So anyway, after much practice, X hooked up with couple of young guys (*pretty impressive I must say...WELL DONE X!*)...she's been much happier lately, not so nnggiauuuuuuu..phew! But being who Miss X is - ambitious, domineering, OCD, Melancholic...there were obviously couple of time when these young cuckoos were trying to hook up with her, but somehow it never quite seem to work out cos of the kind of stupid responses she gives. So I ran some of these questions by Hammy 2 and Hammy 3 and these were the kind of responses you would expect from my 2 best friends:


SMS FROM CUCKOO 1: Hi babe! how have you been? What is yr schd like tmw?

RESPONSE FR MISS X: *opens her schedular to check* ...does not respond till like some freaking 5 hours later...bird would have left the cuckoo's nest!

Hammy 2 would have said : Now! Meet you at my place in 20 mins! *giggles*

Hammy 3 would have said: Pls call my Emily (*Emily=Secretary*), to fix an appointment, and next time , pls don't ask at the last minute.



SMS FROM CUCKOO 2: Hi sweetie, long time no see? U free tmw or perhaps soon...:-)

RESPONSE FR MISS X: Can't meet, got plans for gym. Let me check if next week is good. Will let u know

Hammy 2 would have said : Now! Meet you at my place in 20 mins! *giggles*

Hammy 3 would have said : No mood! got con call at 11pm !



Well, I guess it all depends on how important one places sex in their life. Some look at it as the highest priority, some will do with just a couple in a year!...or for some ..."Sex?...huney..it's been a desert phase for the longest time..and not missing it!"


Anyhow, it does not really matter how we look at it as long as we all get some...soon...hopefully..in the near future perhaps...in the galaxy not far away...


No matter what or who you do...remember Durex, ok...:-)

"Hallo...can I harp you?"

One of my friend had a funny encounter at one of the prestige golf clubs recently. They had gone for an all-girls' night out and had just settled down to have some drinks at the pub. The girls each ordered different stuffs and one of them asked for a glass of red wine. As usual, the orders came correct except for the red wine....only the wine glass came...EMPTY! Baffled? so were the girls..but u know they thought...."ah, maybe the waiter will come back with the botle of wine"..."or maybe he was gonna come back and do some funny stunts whilst pouring the wine?" (errr apparently the waiter was sizzling hot!)....ANYWAY...the girls waited, waited and waited till infinity....the wine never came!....hmmm...well...they did what girls do BEST - WHICH WAS TO ASK!

FRIEND: Hi, what happened to the red wine which we ordered? We only got the wine glass...
WAITER: Give already
FRIEND: Give what?
WAITER: There...tu kan dah bagi..gelas minum too...(TRANSLATION: There, given already mah..the wine glass!)

Yes, people, THAT actually happened at a prestige golf club...

And of course, recently I have been pretty busy helping a good friend with planning and ID his new condo...and last week was the arrival of all the stuffs, furnitures, electrical items etc etc etc..u get the pix...so the whole bloooody day went by just waiting and receiving stuff from different vendor, thank God I had LB there to help out too. The day went by smoothly,except for one from HN..it was for a 40inch TV - mind you delivery was due by 3pm...waited till 330pm..nothing came...waited till 4pm...still nothing came. Yes, and u guessed it..what this psycho bitch & LB did, called HN:

LB: Hi, I am xxx, calling from xxx, and my inv no is xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx...u are supposed to send my TV by 3pm..? I don't see it

HN : Wait I check (*PLS NOTE THAT THIS PERSON HV FAILED TO BE POLITE AND INTRODUCE HIMSELF*)....oh ...we cannot send (*ONCE AGAIN, PLS NOTE THE RUDENESS*)

PB: Why can't you send? It's fully paid for and it is stated delivery will be done today by 3pm. You had better send it, else you speak to my "wife" (aka Psycho Bitch)

HN: No stock. (*PLS NOTE, AGAIN, THE SERVICE THAT IS DEFINITELY GOING DOWN HILL*)

PB: *with a controlled tone before Volcano PB erupts*...what do you mean 'no stock'? We ordered this like last week! I don't care what you do...I am not sitting around anymore waiting for you. I am late for my manicure, pedicure and hair cut...send the TV in the next 30 mins...

HN: No stock means bo stock lah. What you want me to do? I cant help you. ....(*HN HANGS UP!*)

YES...u CAN imagine my anger and a little Hiroshima explosion happened, as LB and PB drove straight to HN....and the rest is history...

p/s: btw, still managed to get the TV PLUS another % of discount!

This is truly ...SERVICE AT ITS BEST! ....

Life without aeiou....

Imagine if we all had to live in a world where sentences look like these:

"Dr mmbr,

W wld lik t rmnd y tht yr mbrshp crd s nr xpry.

Pls rnw yr mmbrshp crd t ny f r strs f yr cnvnnc t cntn t njy th mmbrshp prvlgs.

Pls nt tht rnwl f f RM10 ppls. Hwvr, y cn njy fr rnwl of yr mmbrshp wth ny prchs f r prdcts frm xxx t xxx.

*Trms nd cndtns pply

nc gn, thnk y fr yr cntns spprt ! "

What exactly is the point I am driving here?
1) Don't take English for granted - if you guys have had a chance to read my previous post, you will know exactly where I am coming from!

2) Don't take life for granted...you won't know what you've got till it's gone!

By the way, if you think reading the above was hard, try writing it without our beloved "aeiou".

Have a good week !

Powderful Engrand...

"Are you desired for a baby?"

"Thanks visiting us"

"Center for Multiple Intellingences"

"Special for today : Grild Beef"

"They likes to use youthful products"

"In China, the Buddhist believes that Buddha is the godfather of the world....."

"Personal space does not practice in the same way for every nation this is because some of the personal space might against the culture that the group of membe's beliefs"

Ok, you guys read the above correctly and as it is. Can someone plzzzzzz tell me what is wrong with those sentences???

These are just some of the stuffs I picked up from billboards, banners and leaflets over the last few days...*rolling my eyes*...."Who the fuck allowed these to be on any public communication materials?", "Copywriter sleeping ah?", "Who forgot that we use to be under the British ruling for a while...Queen's English LOL", "Hallo ! Client actually approved these???!!!"

If I had it my way (another reason why I left the ad industry), my team would not have survived this : "Are you guys stupid?", "Did someone forget to spell?", "My copywriter came from where ? LALA Land is it?", "Were you taught a different type of English?"....They would have all died a horrifying death!

At the same time I find this amusing because, we all ARE living in the 21st century...I mean, we have more access to the Internet, more ASTRO channels (which also has more English programmes), more bookstores (bigger, air-conditioned with coffee joints)...which means we have more access to anything English as compared to our parent's days. BUT, yet the English we hear and read can be quite atrocious at times...and at one point what was it that our Government wanted to do ...?

I rest my case.....

Speak well, write well, spell right...

i-Duh!

Internet, digital media, FaceBook, Twitter, social networking sites..blah blah blah...we've never seen such a major explosion of the digital world since the first 286 PC was invented. I remembered how it was like to have the first PC, the first laptop, then Mac, then netbooks....then i-Pod, i-Touch, i-Phone....yah yah yah...

I would get excited by all these 'techky-speak' but I never quite know or understood how half of them worked! Don't get me wrong, my line of work do require me to constantly be using these things..however, I only knew where the important buttons were...like ON, OFF...u get the drift. I have had my fair share of 'ignorance' tested every now and then...even till today.

I remember this one incident .We had worked through the night and by the time we finished, I had only 3 hours to go home, shower and back to office. Having arrived back into the office an hour before meeting, was trying to set-up my laptop...but nothing happened..laptop had no reaction...I panicked!!! Who do you call ? No, not the Ghostbusters! but my good ole IT Bloke:

ME : Hi IT bloke (name removed for privacy purposes), my damn stupid laptop has died on me! Where the hell are you? It's 800 am and u r not here!!

IT BLOKE (he is a nice sweet 40-ish uncle) : Hi ..sorry ah I am still at home...errrr...cos normally office only open at 900 am....but never mind I rush in now lah..u wait ah...

*40 mins later* at my office:

IT BLOKE : Good morning good morning...what is the problem ah

ME : Didnt I tell you over the phone? This stupid damn fucked-up laptop decides to die on me ...presso is in another 45 mins!

*IT BLOKE lifts up laptop, checks it, puts it down*

IT BLOKE : ehhh...errrrm...did you bring your battery ?..*pause*..how about your power cable?

I calmly picked up my coffee cup, and told the IT Bloke..."Just get me another laptop"....EMBARASSING!!!!!

And of course, there was also this whole episode when I first got my bright green I-Pod Nano, I could never figure out why the volume was so damn fucking soft and why there were no breaks between the songs (literally one song plays continuously to the next!) I was dat close to going bitch-fit at one of the Apple stores when tis happened:

ME: Who the fuck told me Apple make good products??!!! I am soooo gonna shoot that person...

LB : Why lah? nice mah your new I-Pod

ME : *glares at LB*..u know what the fuck is wrong with my I-Pod..since i GOT IT,it hasn't been sounding right, volume cannot go ANY FUCKING LOUDER and the songs which I downloaded...plays literally back-2-back!!!

LB : Wait, chill lah woman! let me check..pass it to me now.

ME : Whatever lah.! Screw it! I am gonna go into the Apple store and murder the guy who sold me this damn piece of shit!

Hammy 3 : Wait lah woman, let us check...u know how u are when it comes to technology! ..*I swear I glared so hard at Hammy 3 it could have caused a little burn in his shirt!*

Anyway, I gave my I-Pod to LB and Hammy 3 to mess with. Within couple of seconds, they fixed it! Apparently I had done something to the I-Pod settings when I first got it...so says LB and Hammy 3.

*No no no, I swear I didn't touch the settings - I bought the damn unit, took it out of the box and loaded music...I am innocent!...it was the guy who sold me the I-Pod...his instructions were not clear....hhhrrmph!

I won't say I have gotten any better with stuffs like this cos my recent purchase of a certain Netbook have once again, proved that I am officially IT-Duh!...seriously...who would have had their netbook's hard disk crashed 3 times in 3 months!...only with mua!

Oi! Hear ye! Hear ye!

I overheard a couple of interesting conversations over the last couple of days..."no, I was not eaves dropping!". The kind that will make you go "huh? wtf is wrong with his/her hearing?" "someone speaking in some native language?"

Well, I thought it would be light and easy kinda blog today and share them with you. Ahem! here goes:

CONVERSATION 1: At a bakery cafe in Ikano, queuing up behind this lady:

WOMAN : Hi, I would like to order, pls?

WAITER (speaks with heavy Filipino accent) : Of course ma'am.

WOMAN : *pause*.....errr...do u accept credit cards?

WAITER (smiling politely) : No, so sorry.

WOMAN : ok, no problem. Can I order now?

WAITER : Yes, what would u like ? (his hands ready to punch into the cash register)

WOMAN : u don't accept cards?

WAITER (still smiling politely) : No, ma'am.

WOMAN : Ok ok, am sorry...so give me a rosemary chicken sandwhich, combo meal, pls.

WAITER (punches order into cash register) : that will be RMXX.XX

WOMAN : *whips out her credit card* !!!!!!

I swear, I was that close to throwing my mobile phone at her, as she obviously didn't realize what a terribly hungry psycho bitch is capable of doing! But I gotta give respect to the waiter for being so so patient and keeping that smile on. Could have been worse if I was the waitress behind that counter *hehehe*...COS THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN THE SCENARIO:

ME (smiles at lady) : ello! what would you like to order, pls?

WOMAN : Do you accept credit cards?

ME (rolls eyes and trying to keep the smile) : No madam, as you can see..we have no signages that says we accept ANY form of cards...*keeps smile on*

WOMAN: Oh, ok, can I order then?

ME : Of course ! (*you moron or what??? make your bloody order lah!*)

WOMAN : I would like the rosemary herb chicken sandwhich combo pls.

ME : That would be RM XX.XX CASH (*note emphasis*)

WOMAN : *whips out credit card*

ME : Didn't I tell you just now that we DO NOT ACCEPT CREDIT CARDS!

CONVERSATION 2 : traveling in a car with a friend when he received a call from one of his client's PA

FRIEND : Oh hi XXX (*names have been omitted for privacy purposes*)

FRIEND : Ok, u can e mail it to me. Do u hv my e mail address?

*Caller must have asked for the address, cos of this:*

FRIEND : Pls e mail it to xxx@na....what? u can't hear me? I said xxx@n...N for Norway, A for Australia, Q for Quebec...sorry, you want me to repeat that again ??? *friend sighs*

*Friend repeats the e mail address...barely 10 seconds...this happens:*

FRIEND : No no, it is not U , I said Q for Quebec...what? u want me to spell QUEBEC??? *shows a fist at the phone*...

It is funny how people don't realize the importance of being able to listen and not hear - there is a difference between the two! Personally, it annoys me to the MAX when after all the explaining has been done, only then you realize that non-whatsoever that was said, had been understood. As the old saying goes, there is a reason why God gave us a pair of ears and ONE mouth...definitely not for aesthetics reason!

Listen, not hear!

Just some gentle reminders

Good morning beautiful people! Did any of you just wake up from some dream,nightmare or maybe flashbacks of your life…hehehe. I know I did….As this Psycho Bitch would say wisely…”every dream, nightmare or flashbacks are a reflection of your life past, present and maybe future…”…hmmmm..ok that was a tad too deep for this morning. Someone, plzzzz bring me my kopi!

Gearing into mid life crisis wave 2 certainly brought back some memories good and bad. Maybe it is my sub-conscious self trying to send me a message as to why I should NOT be diving into Wave 2…”oh how fast you forget..what are you, some kind of Mistress of Pain?”…Yes, I have had my momentous flashbacks last couple of days that’s made its way into my REM moments…aaaaarrgghhh! These interesting flashbacks are gentle reminders to people like me why I should stay sane and not be a Psycho Bitch:

Flashback 1: Attempting to cycle and run in my first triathlon

This was the Tasik Kenyir International Triathlon 2008. Good thing I had Hammy 2 with me at that time. I was scared shit, I had a busted knee before, at 38 years old trying to Tri…hmmmm. Night before, got myself all checked and perked up for the big race. Morning came, woke up early had my bananas and power bar, walked a good 2 km to the starting line - was a good warm up already!

When my swimmer went in to the lake, I was that close in going MIA. But nooooo, this Psycho Bitch had to prove a point. Before I know it, swimmer was out of water (damn the boy is fast! Couldn’t he have taken his time and enjoy the cool lake water?).So, off I went on my bike for a grueling 40km up and down hills, big, steep and small ones! Happy as I was when I FINALLY finished my bike ride, only to my dismay that I still had 10km run to go for….BUT never fear, Hammy 2 was running with me, it’s a girl thing…we must do stuffs together..so off the 2 Hammies went..thinking how hard can this get, really?

Oh, WE WERE SO WRONG! For the heat got to us, it was hilly and our legs were refusing to take another step as the kilometers started to clock in. But being what we are, we took every stride with pride and at the 5^th km mark, I turned to Hammy 2 :

ME: Eh woman, u ok ah? My knees are fucking painful…my age clearly showing lah! Remind me again – why am I doing this stupid thing?

HAMMY 2: ok I dunno why you are doing it and NOW it is not the time to question that! Just damn hot and we should have trained better for tis lor…so how ah..give up now???NOOOOOO, DIE DIE MUST FINISH! (2 male runners ran past us and clapped to cheer us on…”don’t give up ladies! You can do it!”)

ME: I don’t need cheerleaders now! Can someone plzzzz shut those 2 up! Of course we will bloody finish this! No, we cannot give up now, malu lah whey! Errr…… Btw, did you bring the Glucosamine? I am gonna down the whole bloody bottle of it when we get back! My knees!!!!!

HAMMY 2: *silent*……*laughs so loudly*…that I swear even Kelantan can hear her

Yes, my first attempt at trying to prove a point about reaching mid-age. I was still strong physically and mentally. And truly I still am, cos I have been racing ever since for the last 2 years and enjoying every moment of it

Flashback 2: Too much work CAN drive you nuts, literally

“I am having a freaking heart attack?!!” That was exactly what I was thinking when it happened. I was stuck in a stupid dumb fuck jam along Jalan Damansara that fateful morning. Quickly and as calmly as possible, I inched my way into Petronas station. Heart rate picked up even more, hands were numb, cold sweat breaking out….”tis is it. I am gonna die right here in a bloody petrol station? NOT GLAMOROUS!!” My attempts to reach every living being on my mobile proved futile, cos it was only 930am and no one was at work yet! “ok , chill woman. You won’t die. You have a purpose on this earth, whatever that maybe. You have not even slept with Harrison Ford yet! Ok, calm, breathe, in, out, in, out, in……” And I started to breathe easier.

What was that all about? It is true, work can drive you nuts, people. After many check-ups with doctors and physicians, a psychologist finally concluded I was suffering from Panic Attacks (which by the way is another form of depression caused by intense stress and no rest and trying to do wayyyyyy too much!)!

“WTF? What is that? I am a strong woman. I can’t be suffering from any depression.”

I was put on 1 year of ‘happy pills’, and 2x/week visits to the quack.

“Nope. I don’t want this life. There is so much out there to do and live. Screw the BIG BIG BIG agency and monies. And, yes I still want to sleep with Harrison Ford!”

It’s been 2 years since. No more panic attacks. I have never felt fitter, prettier and stronger than I do now.

I am glad to say this to ALL women out there….”don’t let age stop you. Don’t let mid-life crisis or anyone stop you from doing what you want. Reaching mid-life merely means a chance to finally do what YOU have always dreamed of, partly cos you would have more money hopefully by then and free up your time. Life is not governed by the 9-5, don’t go crazy over work. It is not worth it. Just bloody date every young man you desire, enjoy the wolf-whistles, wear the lowest V neck cos you can, eat as much chocolate as you’d like to, forget about the wrinkles, laugh with your girlfriends. If you worry, you would have just wasted the beginning of something new in your life!”

2010...we're THERE already ?!

WOW! how did I get here...2010? Thought I had just walked out of my old life 3 years ago.....no..to be exact it started 2 years back.

I was bored. I had just left my job as a high-flying (literally flying off with my temper!) job with a BIG BIG BIG advertising agency. I had hit mid life crisis back then (being the typical me even my mid-life crisis came 2 years earlier - well, who can I blame for being super-efficient and intelligent *hehehe*)....you know it when you get there cos these questions will form bubble-speech above you every fucking freaking morning:
a) "what the fucking hell am I doing"
b) "where has my life gone all these years?"
c) "do i REALLY wanna do this till I croak? "
d) "where are the MEN when you need them,desperately?"
e) "why do my bosses suck other bosses balls big time?".
f) "why do my colleagues look ugly?"
...so woke up one morning threw the towel into my laundry bag...then e mailed my resignation letter 24 hours notice! Yup I didn't care anymore..NOPE DIDN'T WANT TO WRITE ANOTHER FREAKING CREATIVE BRIEF NOR PUT UP WITH IDIOTS AROUND ME (not like the idiots have left my life anyway !)

What did I do thereafter, I was trying to find my footing and the need to conquer certain fears..after all mid-life crisis means re-birth/cross-roads/junction blah blah blah ...SO I threw my alarm clock out of the house, sat on every damn sofa in my house which I didn't even know existed, went to the gym every fucking day and hour if possible, bought a RM10,000 road bike - cycled 90km every sunday since the last 2 years, swam 1.5km 2x/week (and tis gal is terrified of water! ), started triathlon (mind you, I am not exactly the youngest chick around anymore lol), even had a hand on lecturing at one of the colleges..absolutely loved the kids! I even changed my hair colour with splashes of blonde, ash green and white !

BUT, the best part of my semi-retirement was hooking up with the Hammy Trifecta - don't even ASK what that is, cos only 3 elite members belong to this Trifecta - Hammy 1(me aka AgentM), Hammy 2(AgentA), Hammy 3(Nut).
Definition of The Hammy Trifecta - A tribe made up of human who thinks they are hammies (the human form of Hamsters). They are abso-fucking-lutely hardworking, obsessively organised (no..we are not OCDs), know exactly what we want (no, we are not demanding!) , only the elite 3 are in it (no, we are not SNOBS!)and embraced challenges with glee! kekeke...

The Hammies have kinda helped each other along these last 2 years. I mean after all I had my life issues, men issues...and Hammy 2 & 3 also had their life issues, men issues ...hmmmm.....

And after 2 years, I really thought I had gone past my mid-life crisis and was all ready to take on new challenges (as Hammy 2 & 3 will say : "Don't you ever know when to SLOW down?")
But, no...not in the last few months...I have not SLOWED DOWN...in fact the pace had picked up again..It's been a restless 2 months..nothing I use to do was satisfying me, none of the men interest me (altho Hammy 2 & 3 have been desperately trying to get me to understand that it is ok to have a FB)..Atypical converstaion as such will surface once in a while:

Hammy 1: I am bored..I need new challenges! I need a man!
Hammy 2: don't be too demanding then! Be like me..as long as they have the bods and a a dick between 7-11 ..that is all that matters honey!
Hammy 3: Yah yah ..go get a FB
Me: But, most of them can't even speak proper freeeeeeeking English! and they can't hold any intelligent conversation with me!
Hammy 3: *pauses*...honey...the only language you should hear is the UNIVERSAL GRUNT!
Hammy 2: And they don't need to discuss world views and political drama with you! Damn it woman!
Me: no! no!no! It's is a real turn-off for me when they don't speak well and not smart! hhhrrmmph!
Hammy 2 & 3: *silence*......ok..she can't be helped! Just go be a bloody nun for all we care...
Hammy 2: I 'll send her my dildo

Yes..and that is how every conversation relating to men will be like.

Seriously, it is 2010. But I feel like 2008 all over again..my parents and my sister still look the same, my plants are still the same, my neighbours hasn't changed, even the idiots around me hasn't changed!

Well, no matter the year guys and gals..I shall take 2010 as another shot at some missed opportunities like swim more, cyle more, run more, more colours on my hair, more fucking gym, more screaming at idiots around me...hehehe....I can so see Hammy 2 and 3 rolling their eye balls!

Anyhow, make the most of the new year and the many more to come...enjoy the ride! I know it is gonna be one hell of a ride for me!