Empty brain........

“TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT”

Nothing’s coming out!!! Writer’s block!!!

No Shit! No need to fret...smile!

Freshly baked bread, buns, smell of my brew coffee, roasted eggplant, sundried tomatoes ciabatta with melted cheese sandwhich….hmmmm…such a blissful morning and so peaceful as I am seated typing this at my favourite bread shop up in Jalan Setiakasih, Damansara Heights. Just finished my RPM class at MML and decided to pop by here…and sitting here now amidst the quietness is EXACTLY the reason why I left the serious-back biting advertising world.

The past 2 weeks have just been crazy for me – replacing RPM classes, teaching my own RPM classes coupled with work that ‘tsunami-ed’ themselves on me. Have not had time to breathe and enjoy this kind of moment. As much as I still love what I do, at times, people do drive us absolutely nuts – clients who decides to brief at the last minute, changes to final creative work AFTER all approval have been obtained, cutting down costs as though I run a pasar malam store and thankfully this was the prayer that’s kept me going over the past few weeks - *Dear Lord…keep me sane and give me strength to deal with these idiots*….hehehe..although I don’t think He’d appreciate me calling others idiots in my prayer LOL!

And of course, on a more personal front, had friends who went thru break-ups and playing Aunt Thelma I did, cos I care enough for them, despite my own crazeee week and stress.

Having gone through an absolutely crazeeeeeee week, I am beginning to think *as I am smelling the caffeine-enriched cappuccino*, it wasn’t all that bad. The happenings in the past weeks actually did teach me a couple of things *or at least reminded me of certain things in life*. Amongst which were these:

*There is REALLY no need to fret when client briefed late…they most likely got their act together late…not my loss, cos it is their campaign that will suffer, as long as I have done my best to help them.

*It doesn’t matter if they wanna chop my cost down by a ridiculously 50%, cos I got to say “NO, I don’t want to take this job”…not my loss, cos I will never de-value my experiences.

*Is ok if they decide to make changes even AFTER the final approval was sealed…flip the coin, and you will see that it was for the better…never settle for “just ok”.

*Is ok if clients refused to pay you the rejection fees, after an agreement was obtained…cos they will lose something else along the way…their credibility.

*Life is made of make-ups and break-ups…is ok (to my dear friends reading this, you know who you are) *even if they “un-friended” you on FaceBook or never gave you a reason for the break-up…cos everything happens for a reason, and when that reason have come to pass, hope that you learnt something good from it, let it go, and move on…and trust me, when you look back, you will realize that it didn’t matter at all.

All of us are gonna go thru shit, and at times it may look like there is no way out, or apocalypse is coming, and we tend to blame others or how others have wronged us.

But you wanna know something – one day all of us are gonna sit back, at some bread shop, having freshly baked bread and brew coffee…and say “hey, it wasn’t that bad, it certainly hurt or angered me at THAT time but it didn’t kill me. I am still well alive and life will go on anyway”

So, why fret? Make the most and be grateful for the idiots around us, cos they can only make us better…if we choose to be.

Meeting ....Rewind...

I had a really interesting meeting today. In my entire career life, having to present a proposal several times is normal – we do present several rounds to the marketing team, then the management…so no big shit, right? And this is normally done over a span of few days or weeks, depending on management’s availability.

Lately I was working on a strategy paper for a client and presso was today. So, sharp at 2pm, I happily found my way to the client’s place, prep my presso and all ready for my clients. *was I surprised…my clients actually arrived on time….gasps*…So anyway, presso started…and just when I was about to end, 2 more people walked in *mind you I don’t know who the hell they are*….then I got introduced to them *apparently they are from some IT shit department*…and my client says this “PB, can you pls start again?” ….*can u feel my irritation guys?*….took a deep breath…and started AGAIN!!! Fark!

I swear…just as I had finish round 2, another 2 person walks in, interns from Holland…a Dutch Lady and the Flying Dutch Man! *hehehehe*…yes, you guessed it right…I started all bloody over AGAIN!!!! WTF!!!! I was thinking, if another person walks in now….*just as I was thinking that, EXACTLY at that moment another person walks in!!!!* *can u guys actually feel a little explosion?*

So, all in all, for what was supposed to be a one hour meeting for a ONE presentation, turned out to be 4 farking presentation in that ONE hour+!!!

This is when I keep asking myself…”Why? Why? I retired for a reason!”

This is when I keep telling myself: Screw the clients, Love the job!

Child's Play

Kids can be such funny creatures especially when their innocence takes over. Was at the clinic this morning and there was a mom with 2 young boys, aged 3 and 1.

Well, both the mom and I were waiting for our meds, and noticed her boys just running around…totally hammified *aha! This PB knows exactly what hammified is like…I am LIVING PROOF* hahahaha! Anyway, the boys were just running up and down, up and down, up and down the clinic, trying to shake the fish in the aquarium, at one point the kids threw Styrofoam for the fish to eat *PB was just staring at them while all these antics was happening* and the mom was constantly screaming these at the kids:

*STOP TAPPING the aquarium!

*STOP jumping up the chairs!

*STOP throwing in the Styrofoam!

*STOP pushing your brother!

*STOP running around!

Whilst the mom was screaming her lungs out, I was thinking, just let them be because the more you tell them to STOP, they tend to understand it as “go ahead! Do what you want!”….Might as well let them run around, kill the fish! Cos kids do need to ‘fall’ in order to ‘learn’.

But, nothing quite beat this comment from the 3 year old boy as they were leaving, after the mom had whispered something to the nurse *NO NO, I could not hear what she was saying!*:

3 Year old boy: Mommy, what u say to auntie ah?

Mom: Told the nurse to spank you for being so naughty!

3 Year old boy: *folded his hands as he walked out*…NO! she cannot spank me!! Because I will SPANK her!

I couldn’t help but smile…and in my head *yes, my dear boy u have learnt fast…little do you know you could possibly be spanking some girls’ ‘TOOT’ in another 15 years!*….wonder if the mom read between the line on that one…hmmmm…

The 'Kukumber'

Ah…cucumber, also known as Cucumis Sativus that comes from the same family as pumpkin, zucchini and squashes. But, it does not really matter where they came from, more importantly is what this elongated green-ish looking fruit can do for us….as Hammy 3 and I recently discovered whilst enjoying our appetizers, which had cucumbers as part of the recipe:*as always, trust these 2 Hammies to ‘intelligen-ized’ one another LOL*

HAMMY 3: eh! Can do facial …smoothen out the dark spots!

ME: Bloody vain lah you!...Err…can make juice..cool the body!

HAMMY 3: Makes great salads …:-p

ME: u can’t beat this one…it strengthens our connective tissue…HA!

HAMMY 3: Bet u didn’t know cucumber can also be used in kimchi recipe…hahahahaha!

ME:*This PB was not about to let Hammy 3 win her on this..and thought I had a brilliant answer*…..Ha! but Cucumber helps with reducing water retention in the body!...bet you didn’t know that huh…

HAMMY 3: Huney…no no no…I can SOOOO think of something, that even the ISIS strategist would never ever have thought of….*PB squints her eyes…curious….*…..both you and I can use it for sex purposes …and no huney, I meant used separately..not both of us together LOL!

ME: Thank god! For one moment I thought you decided to turn straight! LOL! Hahaha! Although I reckon your mom will be damn farking happy! So tell tell…

HAMMY 3: U women can use it to satisfy yourself….so can I…..*PB is thinking unless the gay guy is a bottom, I don’t see how that it works*….think woman! Cut the cucumber into half, scrape out the inside and TA DA! What do you get…and empty cucumber that I can use to make me HAPPEEEEEEE!!! And to think is already lubricated! HAHAHAHAHAAH!

I instantaneously dropped the very last piece of cucumber in my hand! Trust Hammy 3 to remotely connect even this innocent mild looking fruit to its ‘natural’ use as a sex toy!

I love my job!!!!!

MARCH 16- Email from PB to Client X, MR R

“Pls find attached the quote for both Campaign A and B.

Pls feel free to contact us shld u need any clarifications.

Thanks,”

……….2 weeks later…..MR R replies with:

“Hi PB,

Your cost is very high. Can half the amount to do both Campaign A and B?

Thank you,

Mr R

……..What-the-stupid-fuck!!! Mind you, both campaigns are not small; complete with strategy, ideation and bloody planning too. After 2 weeks, he is asking my costs to be half-ed? Can I seriously ‘half’ my ideas and document ah?...hence this:

APR 6 – PB replies to MR R

Pls find attached rev quote for the Campaign A only. Pls note that we have totally remove the Creative Direction and Concept, cos am assuming that we will be riding onto the current direction/concept which was already developed.

Pls also note that we will also try to lift most of the copy from any existing material that you have so that we can maintain communication consistency.

Appreciate your feedback.

……..*tweet, tweet…can u hear the sound of crickets…yes..they went silent for another good 2 weeks despite my repeated reminder e mails…then this came on APRIL 15:

Dear PB,

We found that your quote is on high side but still can be discussed provided you can show us on the work done with your clients.

…….FARKERS!!!! Yes, u can so imagine a ‘little hiroshima’ going on in my office! After chopping down my cost by half…and they still say that cost is still expensive!!!! Which planet are they living on….definitely not Earth! *Earth calling MR R!!! U-dumb-fuck! We are not pasar malam consultants!*..AAARRGGGHHHHHH! After cooling myself down, sent this:

Dear MR R

I don't understand how it is high when, in your last e mail, u had asked if we can do this campaign for RMXXXX.

Our reply was we can do. On top of that, we also proposed that we will do both Campaign A AND B at RMXXXXX.

So, we are not sure why now the quote is high when we have kept with the budget of RMXXXX that you have asked earlier for Campaign A.

Pls advise.

…….As expected, just take a bloody wild guess what MR R’s reply was:

Hi PB,

I didn’t receive further replies.

Please resend the quote.

…..This was when Pluto could hear me scream MURDER!!!!!!!!

After a good whole bloody month of ding-dong-ing…they claimed they never got the quote! At times like these, I repeat this to myself…

”I luv the work, not the clients!”

“I luv the work, not the clients!”

“I luv the work, not the clients!”

Pretty Bears

Hammy 3 and I was at a recent opening of a certain Brit-ish Departmental store in KL lately. As usual, we were thinking - ”Good God, this is gonna be one of those openings, complete with plastic people, some drinks and bites, fake cheek-to-cheek mooching, pretend to look-interested-people and fashion show”.

So, the both of us arrived sharp at 7pm and did the usual – registered ourselves, reception tied a little band around our wrists, we mooched around and watched all the plastics around us do the cheek-to-cheek mooching thingy, drank coke….and so we were just hanging around…bored zzzzzzz…..Then the speeches started, one after another…”Welcome to our Honourable guests, datuks, datins…etc etc etc…..” and the speeches kinda drowned itself amongst the noise surrounding us. Then the fashion show started…*oki..show us something differentlah*….*yah, the clothes are nice, the models are skinny, they walk funny…*….then this happened!!!!!

The male models cat-walked out…:

HAMMY 3: Oi PB! Wake up! Look look! HAWT!!!!

PB: Fuckity fuck! Where did THOSE BOIS come from??! *think Chris Pine, Sam Worthington type*

HAMMY 3: I could so BAHAM them..like now…ON THE STAGE!

PB: Quick camera!! Where is your new sony ericsson??? Drop the damn goodie bag…take peekchas NOW!

HAMMY 3: *struggles to get his camera phone out*…wait waitlah woman! And why u rushing me…they are not your type anyway..u like BEARS remember!…ok…camera’s out…check out those farking ass and those pecks!!!*bites his finger*

PB: QUICK!!!! If you don’t get these pictures, I am sooooo gonna scream murder! OMG! Look at that swagger huney! I like the pretty bois too….(:-p)

HAMMY 3: *Busy shooting with his camera phone*….hahahaha!!! everyone on the blog is going to be soooo jealous when they see this.

Just when we were enjoying the bois….the girls came back on! Damn it! *We want the BOIS! We want the BOIS!*…..yah Hammy 3 and I was just chanting that (in our head lah!) till the BOIS came back on again for another round of show…..awwwwww…..sweet pretty bois! Nah we are not shallow, of course not! We just like occasional eye-candy, especially when they are my type…the Pretty Bears! (Pretty Bears = Pretty Bois + Bears)..hahahahahaaa!

Money, Money, Money!!!!

Recently heard something rather disturbing from a friend GB, found out that one of our friend (we call him BB for P&C purposes lah) have been lying to us about his financial status..*no no not about how rich or poor he is*! But apparently he’s been owing couple of people we know of money! And u know what saddens me is this: he has no idea that GB and I know about it! And yet he is still mooching around splurging as tho money grew on trees for him! *Honestly, I hope it is not a case of “keeping up with the Joneses”*, cos BB is probably the least errrrmmm …..”financially healthy” amongst the couple of us.

Anyway, one of the people (I will call him CM) he owed money to actually spoke to me couple of days back (it seems like BB had tumpang CM to buy something when CM was holiday-ing in Bali) and asked if I could find out what was going on..*ok, here goes Aunt Thelma in action*:

ME: oi! How u doing ah? How’s work?

BB: All is great! Work is good. Eh, are we still going on that holiday we were talking about ah?

ME: Yup yup..u can go ah? Oh, hv u spoken to CM lately?

BB: CM?..Errr *he pauses* no wor..dunno how is he lah? Oh by the way, that holiday thingy, let me know yah cos I wanna join u guys..would be fun!!!

ME: *hmmm…how the hell do I even brooch the subject to him lah??*…eh BB, I met CM other day….*I swear to you I could so see BB’s eyes widening so much that his eyeballs were gonna pop out!*…he was worried about you and if u are ok? Is something wrong that I should know about? * I swear to you BB I will clonk you if you don’t reveal the truth!!!”

BB: No ah. All ok. Aiyah that CM..dunno why he worries just bcos I hv not called him.

ME: *decided I will not beat around the bush anymore*…..BB, u paid CM for that gift u asked him to get from Bali ?

BB: Oh that one issit? No lah ..cos CM says I can take my time lah…..

*I paused, rolled my eye balls*…..This PB is thinking…how stupid can BB get – does he not realize that I would probably already have the slightest idea that I know the truth, since I asked???? DUH!!!

But, u know what is even more disappointing, besides the fact that he owed CM money (for a while now), BB is a good friend from my Uni days, and if he was facing any financial difficulty, let us know. We just wanna help cos we are worried.

True friends will never judge…..

Thou shalt not lie...

“U can hide, u can run from the truth…but eventually the truth will find you”

Yep, I am so in agreement with that. If some of you recall how I had a bitchy session with one of my client (whom we shall henceforth refer to as Miss Duh) last week *of which I was almost that close in sending the BIATCH-EST e mail*

Apparently truth came my way when Miss Duh’s direct boss called me to catch up with what’s been happening that lead to the strings of bitchy e mails between us. Very interestingly, these came my way:

1) Apparently the campaign launch date was brought forward to 1 April 2010 (by a good 3 weeks), as promised by Miss Duh to her MD; BUT guess what…..this PB never got THAT memo! *seriously, was it supposed to be some stupid April fool joke??!*

2) Well, her boss had also (on numerous occasion) specifically asked for a meeting amongst us to sort out any miscommunication…..and he was just wondering why hadn’t I turned up??? You wanna know why…that is because this PB, once again, NEVER GOT THE BLOODY INVITE to ANY of those meetings! And the cheek of Miss Duh to have actually told him that I have not been answering her calls, return her messages, and delaying appointment to the point that I didn’t turn up! *Really? Unless I have Alzheimer, I have gone thru my BlackBerry, my freaking Nokia, both my e mails….and I don’t see ANY invites at all to any of her claimed meetings*

3) And nothing beats this one….apparently she had agreed to my rejection charges *yes…I decided to tell Miss Duh to go eat shit*…but, but dig this….she never got Management approval as she had claimed in all her e mails to me…(the only reason her boss knew was bcos he was cc-ed but she never went to him for approval!) LOL!!! I am gonna hold my breath on this one and just wait to see what happens when I finally chase for my payment…God help me then!

Yah…*look of disgust*…it sickens me to think that there are people like that out there. But I know I have to stay sane cos there will always be asshole like these out there.

Truth will always prevail and what they don’t realize is, the shame will be on them…I will just take the high ground ….and forgive her for she not know what she does! Amen!

Indecent proposal

“Millionaires’ ads for hubby draw at least 20 suitors”...this headline caught my eye as I was reading thru my e-newspaper *in case u don’t know I have stopped buying hardcopies of newspaper cos 1) save the trees 2) too much bullshit in papers for me to spend that sort of money on*

Interesting isn’t it? In the early days, men are the ones who used to openly court women and put up ads looking for potential wives. Look like the table has turned. Mind you the millionaires are two ladies, from Thai and China respectively, both 46.

You would probably think that people who ‘applied’ for that position are most likely useless, low-paid guys.....aha! Just like you, I thought the same too...and oh was I wrong! The applicants (and their ‘reasons’) include:

Applicant no 1: Contractor (Reason: can speak Thai)…hence can help the Thai millionaire-ess with her biz apparently

Applicant no 2: Part-time actor (Reason: his parents had passed away)…*I wonder how is that even a plausible reason*

Applicant no 3: A company director (Reason: Children grown up, divorced for 2 years)…hmm, how predictable can this one get LOL

BUT, applicant no 4 really top the rest….His reason being…A BANKRUPT AND HOPING TO MARRY EITHER ONE OF THE WOMEN TO SAVE HIS BLOODY FUTURE!!!!!...Really *gasps!!!*

Now, tell me, how do you really top that one? *look of disgust*…what happened to that “We are men who will provide for my family”, “We are taught to work hard to support our families”, “We, men cannot live off women…bad bad”…hais…

Different people will marry for different reasons, and we are also not in any position to judge. However, as liberal as PB may be, I still believe there are still some lines that should not be crossed…and I personally think this is one of them…marrying for the sake of money instead of working for your own keeps…..hmmmm… *but then again, this is only MY opinion*

Idiots...idiots..everywhere!

Dear XXX,

Hope this mail finds u in farking HELL!!!

Pls re-read my e mail..why? have u forgotten how to farking-read-phonetics or was I writing in Tagalog?? My previous e mails CLEARLY STATES that you need to approve the freaking DESIGN/LAYOUT first before we put in the other copy details. I am trying to farking save u the stupid time instead of doing up the whole bloody design PLUS COPY details, when you the stupid-farking biatch have not even ok-ed the design!!!

How dare you point finger at my team by calling them slacks and ‘dis-interested’??? Seriously, if we were …we would have SCREW U FROM THE START! **Errmm..not literally..and even if it was literal, non of my guys would screw YOU cos u are one-ugly-bitch**

Let me say this LOUD N CLEAR one last time, if you did not understand my e mails, for whatever stupid reasons:

1) Pls approve the DESIGN/LAYOUT first.

2) Only after that the copy details will go in on the APPROVED DESIGN/LAYOUT..

DO YOU ROGER THAT LOUD AND CLEAR????

Now, please STOP wasting time composing irritating e mails and FOCUS on what YOU need to do…cos WE CERTAINLY KNOW WHAT WE NEED TO DO!

No Bloody Thanks to you and Pls save the Earth and stop sending me stupid e mails and reduce carbon foot print…if u even know what that bloody farking means!

YES PEOPLE ...This PB sent the e mail above to one of my clients...IN MY HEAD!!!

Some of you living near me could have experienced a 'Hiroshima' ! Allow me to bitch..plzzzzzz....I really don't care!

Show me the money!

RM 250,000!!!! Who would say ‘no’ to that amount of money? I mean, after all, economy is still not too great, and any extra would be helpful.

But, NOOOOO, Hammy 3 actually said NO to an opportunity to win RM250,000! Yes, you read this right *Hammy 3…what were you thinking???*

……..*sorry guys….slight distraction, m typing this while watching “So you think you can dance”…and OMG!!! THERE is this dancer who is farking HAWT…name is Ryan…I think….*But anyway, back to the topic……………

Well, this PB have been trying her best to get Hammy 3 to team up for The Amazing Race Asia (TARA)…for the last 2 years! And trust me I tried it again this year, and as the deadline drew nearer, this PB was getting desperate and would do anything to get Hammy 3 to team up.

Amongst the so-called ‘encouragement’ were these:

1) Imagine, you can take 6 weeks off and visit the world (Hammy 3’s response: Woman, we won’t be freaking VISITING anything…it is A RACE!)

2) Think of Alan Wu *host of TARA*…Cute, Hawt, nice bods..and most of all, he speaks damn good English! (Hammy 3’s response: We will only see HIM at pit-stops, provided we are NOT kicked out at pit-stop 1!!!)

3) You may meet other HOT HOT contestants *winky* (Hammy 3’s response: I don’t think so huney *smirk on his face*…they are probably father-son team, brotha-sista team or worse granny-granddaughter team LOL)

4) With all the running around, we may just be lucky to loose more weight! (Hammy 3’s response: That is WHY we have GYMS …NO NEED to run around like fools and get all sweaty!)

5) It is your chance to ‘say it’ on National TV…and your mom can never doubt you ever again! (Hammy 3’s response: *silence*, walks away and ignores me totally!)

*Sigh*…no matter what I said or did, Hammy 3 would not (and WILL NEVER) take part in TARA…*sob!sob!sob!*…

…….oopsss!…I got distracted yet again....never realized there are some HOT guys with damn good bodies on “So you think you can dance?”…hmmmmm…must catch the next episode..hehehe!

Ok, seriously guys and gals..don’t you think RM 250,000 alone is good enough a reason to try for TARA..besides the ‘sight-seeing’, Alan Wu, the pain, the fights…etc…etc…

Hmmm, I will just leave it to you to decide, cos it doesn’t matter anymore since the TARA audition has since closed! But I still wanna bitch about it! And Hammy 3, I will not give up! There is always TARA 2011….MUA HAHAHAHAHAAA!

Un-complicate me, plzzzz.....

Children and their innocence. At times, they can be a joy to watch and handle; at times, maybe bit of an annoyance. However, there is always that fine line between ‘ooohhhh! So fun n cute to handle’ vs ‘arrrgghhh!!! Driving me up the wall’ situation.

Well, I had a fair share of one or the other situation (depending on how you see it) with my nephew YJ recently. He is 8 years old, very OCD for his age (yes, that particular trait is confirmed when he started lining Nescafe sachets, Coffee-mate sachets in their individual row with the brand name all facing upwards!)

I was not only questioned but tested in ways that I cannot even imagine, when this particular conversation took place between YJ and me, whilst driving him to my dad’s house:

YJ: Aunty…where is “PARRIS” (pronounced by YJ as PAR-RIS)

ME: Huh? Where is dat? (YJ repeats the question)….*am thinking my Geography cannot be that bad…think PB think hard!*….*then it dawned on me….* ahhh YJ…U mean Paris?

YJ: Yah lar..neh that one with that triangle-looking building…neh the tall tall one, looks like sharp cone?

ME: Ah! U mean the Eiffel Tower in Paris? Well, Paris is in France? And do you know what is the capital of France? *this is me trying to outsmart the boy!*

YJ: Aiyah u ah..didn’t I just say Paris? Of course the capital is Paris lar..hai yah!

ME: *OOPS*

YJ: Aunty, why they build the EFEEL TOWER (as pronounced by YJ)? Why they build that big Statue instead and gave it to the United States of America (yes, that boy actually described America as the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA)?

ME: *I was stumped with that*….*Think PB…why why ah?*….errrr…errr…..

YJ: Why can’t they build the statue and put it back in their own country and give the Efeel tower to the Americans?

ME: Boy, I think they gave the Statue of Liberty as a sign of peace.*I think so…yikes!*

YJ: Why sign of peace? They got fight in World War 2 meah? (ME THINKING HARD AT THIS POINT….did they fight in WW2???)…Why do they need the Efeel Tower? Is it so that they can see the rest of their country ah? Or see the other countries next to them? But why then the France people (instead of calling them French), is nice to the Americans, cos they gave them the Statue ah? And why the statue got that lady holding a torch? Does it light up ah? *blah blah blah ……yes more questions were thrown at me for another good 10 minutes before we finally arrived at my dad’s house! What a relief…cos the more he asked…the more I felt STUPID!*

But then again, looking back…as annoying as the questions were (at that point), if you take a step back and think about it, they are valid questions from YJ’s perspective. They see things very differently from adults. Why? Could be they are still very much shielded from the horror and pain of this world? Or maybe they just see things as it is…no hidden agenda or whatsoever, just as it is….and it is at times like this that I could also learn to see things as they are…”Un-complicate my life”.