Breaking up is (not so) hard to do...

Break-ups and divorces…hmmm..words we all don’t like to hear, irregardless of who is saying it or receiving it!

Well, in the last 4 weeks, one of my friend went thru a break-up…no explanation given from the boyfriend *hey BF…if u wanna leave her, have the guts to at least tell her the reason…and not just walk!*

And just 2 weeks back, one of close friend AS, just filed for a divorce from her husband…and we all thought it was gonna go well…till she received a letter claiming a ….errmmm…rather substantial amount of money from her….the reason for the claim – emotional damages perhaps? Or is it more like the big ego got busted? *after all…normally is the men who files for divorce….no?*

There could be so many reasons for these break-ups amongst which are:

* “I grew out of loving you”…...(how does that even happen???)

* “there is someone else…and he is a man!”

* “think we are better as good friends…but not husband and wife lah”

* “think you are better off with someone else”…(huh? yah right!)

* “you no longer excite me…(physically, I am not attracted to you!)

But, you know whatever the reasons maybe…and break-ups can be nasty…is there really a need to get even nastier or get-even?

AS…if you are reading this…I am not gonna say don’t worry about what he is claiming from you. Instead, we can turn it around and let’s have some fun with it…if he wants everything, we give him everything…this is what we can do to take the piss out of him….go spend and buy every damn thing you want, keep the price tags on, then load it all onto a truck…and have the whole bloody truck sent back to his house!

No matter what happens, remember Psycho Bitch will always be around if you ever need a shoulder to cry on….or at least some psycho plans …hehehe!

“OMG! These Mormon boys are actually quite hot!”….. exactly my thoughts when I was at the traffic lights along Jln Sultan Ismail. Young lean looking blondes and brunette looking….hmmmm..nice!

Sweet, young meat they all are. Apparently, I was told that the young mormon boys are actually sent out overseas at tender age of 18 ish to spread the word!

They can sooooo come spread it on me…*oops…spread TO ME*…my fantasy didn’t last as the lights turn green ….and I had to move on…Damn!!

p/s: OK…I gotta ask for forgiveness…Sorry Lord! Thou shalt not have bad thoughts of these boys! *slap slap*

Digitally Crippled!

The last 2 days was hell for PB – I felt so alone, I felt disconnected to the world, as though no one could find me and neither can I…all bcos my bloody Internet Explorer was down! No matter what I farking did could get it up. In my moments of desperation, spoke to Hammy 3 about it:

ME: Fark lah, my stupid internet explorer is down. Can’t connect at all!!!!

HAMMY 3: Oh? What happened? Did u try doing this – launch the IE, go to Tools, blah, blah, abcdefg, XXYYZZ, YADI YADA…etc etc etc…*I swear that was what I heard coming out of Hammy 3, as I stared blankly at what he was trying to tell me to do!*

ME: Wait! Stop! Are you speaking in English??

HAMMY 3: You din bloody understand a single damn thing I just said, didn’t you? *slaps his forehead*…why did I even bother??? Just bring your laptop over tonight and I will see what I can do….WOMAN!!! Hopeless!!!!

Anyway, took my Lappie (yes, that is the name of Netbook) to get her sorted out by Hammy 3:

ME: Here you go Doctor IT…Fix her!

HAMMY 3: Wait ar, let me see what happened….*Hammy 3 started fiddling around with the stuff that you find on the tool bar menu thingy at the top*

ME: Lappie is dead, isn’t she??

Before I can even finish my sentence, Hammy 3 hands Lappie to me

HAMMY 3: Here done! All u needed to do was to clear your farking browsing history, that was probably swelling up!

My jaw dropped as it took Hammy 3 only 5 minutes to have it sorted out, while I spent the last 2 days, thinking I was totally digitally-crippled!

Wakey! wakey!

“Do I REALLY need to wake up??!...can I just squeeze in few more winks, purr-leee-azzzee??”

This is exactly how I felt this morning, after a great-psycho 90 mins RPM Endurance last night….Hammy 3 - we are soooooo not gonna do that RPM Playlist again!!! And no, no, it is not my age that is catching up..hmmmm….Kopi kaw kaw plzzzzzzz! Another 15hours+ before I can zzzzzzzzzzz……God, help me thru today! Amen!

Not tonight, dear!

The 3 letter word….SEX! When is it ever enough, or too much of it? A piece of news in one of our dailies caught my eye today – “Wife can’t stomach cook’s ardour”…apparently the new husband had demanded for countless number of sex sessions within their first week of marriage and now the wife wants a divorce!….hmmm…interesting?

Well, anyone would think being newly married…you just wanna probably ‘do it’ every farking single hour, day and every-bloody-where of the house?

But seriously, when is it do we find sex overwhelming – some of us may have had a bad week at work and sex is the only relief? Or some of us may have had a bad week and our libido just fell thru the floor? Or like some people I know, everyday is a good day for sex, no matter what happens in their life LOL!

Some are just fine with sex once a month *seriously? I WONDER how the guy can keep IT all in those two tiny balls if they are a “once-a-month-er” * . Some only have sex when they see their partner *out of sight, out of sex*

But, wait, I was told men think of sex every 3 mins…so, does that mean the need is stronger with the men than it is with women? Hmmmm…*ponder, people, ponder*

No matter what your preference (be it gender or timing or duration), it really is up to you as long as you are happy and not let your inadequate-sex-sessions blow up! (in some case, too much-sex-divorce blow up!)

Just remember, whether you are getting enough or too much or too little of it, just know that we are only warm blooded mammals who, occasionally do need a tad bit of plumbing work to be done…so enjoy it when you get it!

Friendship= a woman + 2 Happy men!

“Good friends are like Stars, you don’t always see them, but you know they are there” Specifically, good friends who put up with all your crazy antics, tolerate the psycho-ness *ahem! ahem! yours truly* and occasional gibberish ranting that doesn’t make sense. You would instinctively know that these are good friends who will stick by you cos we are, somewhat connected by some weird psychokinesis power, such as the ability to finish each other’s sentences, know EXACTLY what each other are thinking about and even recognize a good/bad mood just thru the RPM playlist!

Well, I am glad to say I have 3 of these people in my life right now. They have come into my life at different point when it mattered most. They have put up with all my silly psycho behavior cos all 4 of us are ….errr…..somewhat similar…although I consider myself the most psycho one! Well…that is what this blog is gonna be about…I am dedicating it to my very 3 good friends…*with a little bit of drumroll, plzzzzzz*…I am proud to introduce:

1.Hammy 2 aka AgentA – I have only known Hammy 2 for only about 4 years now…but seriously, if you ever, ever get to see the two of us together, you WILL NEVER thought we had just known each other for such a short time. Really, we behave like we’ve known each other since kids! At one point we, were even being mistaken as “lesbian couple”! LOL…*once again, someone didn’t get the memo”. Seriously, Hammy 1 was there when I had BOTH my mid-life crisis – she’s seen me going nuts just working non-stop, cycling non-stop, exercising like there’s no tmw and even saw me thru 3 hair style change! She has a laughter that is highly contagious and combustible! And oh, did I mention, she is also the Queen of Dessert?! Hahaha…so with Hammy 1, is been the Sweetest Ride, cos no matter what happens, Dessert will cure it all for us!

2.Hammy 3 aka HRH Nut – Honestly, if you met Hammy 3, you will be awed and be prepared for a strained neck…if you are anything below 5 feet 3. Imagine a 6ft 4 fair, chinese man…err think Grizzly Bear? Get it? When I first met Hammy 3…amongst my many thoughts were:”Oh Farking hell!! How did he get THAT tall??”, “Wah…so farking arrogant”, “He too tall ….can’t see us issit?”…..but how wrong I was!!! It was by accident that I got to know Hammy 3 (btw, I’ve only known Hammy 3 for 2 years, but once again, we look as tho we’ve been friends for donkey years….and for some reason, people think we are a couple! Just to clear the air – we are so not cos we both are on the wrong channel!)Well, I was assigned to Hammy 3 two years ago as his RPM mentee, I must say I wasn’t too sure initially…but I am glad I was his mentee…one of the better RPM mentor anyone could ask for and that was the start of our friendship! Seriously, Hammy 3 has been my conscious…keeping me sane and providing me advice from his perspectives when this PB refused to see *hehehe! Maybe because Hammy 3 is MUCH MUCH taller, so I can’t see it lor!* Other than being my good conscious, he’s certainly been a good friend that’s just simply ‘being there’, both physically, mentally and occasional intellectual sparring!

Together the 3 of us are known as The Hammy Trifecta….*am sure by now u can guess who is Hammy 1 in this whole equation!* Well, this Trifecta have stood strong through all my nonsense and I hope that the ride will only get better.

But, there is also one more person who’s just been wonderful in his own ways….my ala ala brotha, LB. I knew LB during our earlier RPM classes and it was only in recent couple of years that he, too, had made some impact in my life. LB is such a simple person….so simple that at times I feel like slapping him…cos he would do anything for everyone else but himself! The most unselfish creatures I’ve ever known. It is also thru LB, that I learnt, life is meant to be shared with people you know, love or even strangers, and it does not matter who you are cos we should look out for each other.

So, to all 3 of you – I really want to thank you guys for just being there, by just being yourselves and for putting up with my varying moods, constant ridiculous hair style change and killer RPM playlist!!!

I want you guys to know that you have always been and still are worth hanging on to, and as long as we have each other, the roads will never be long between friends! Cos good friends will never let u do stupid things….ALONE!!!!!

Screw the week! Friday is here AGAIN!

No matter how bad this week may have seemed for some of us...SCREW IT! The week is over and it is time to let loose and PARTY!!!!

Enjoy your weekend and don’t think about the new bloody week …till then have fun, drink (but be responsible, yah), wake up in the arms of your loved one tomorrow!

Cheerios people!!!

It's a girl thing!

1)“BFFs and/or Close girlfriends…however you wanna call it lah”

2)“Men”

3)“Dating”

4)”Friendship”

………how are these 4 wonderful words connected? Well, there are few possible permutations or relationships type (oki people, get those brain cells working and see if you can make up what these permutations mean…hehehe):

*(1), (3), (2)

*(1), (4), (2)

*(1), (4), (1)

*(1), (3), (1)

*(2), (3), (2)

*(2), (4), (2)

Whatever permutation any relationship may come in, nothing matters most than when your own BFFs or close GF has a relationship or goes dating with their perfect man…*woo hoo!…u go gers!*

But what happens when your GF catch the STS, or commonly known as Siamese Twin Syndrome? * STS…do I really need to explain….think Siamese twins, joined at the hip, wherever one go, another goes…is almost like they build each other’s life on one another and no one else can get into this little bubble of theirs…..get it? Get it?...ahhhh…*

Don’t get me wrong, I am all happy knowing that any of my GF has a great man in her life, but do things really need to change when a man jumps into the equation? Does it mean we should stop having coffee totally? Do we not just hang out anymore and just goss? Or are those moments being replaced with just phone calls?

Well, these are PB’s thoughts about BFFs, GFs, Dating and men….when you put them into the equation TOGETHER:

1)The man should not replace the friendship; is should be another playing field that you can run to, for obvious reasons …(errr…such as cuddling, sex, running your fingers thru their hair) …you know what I mean LOL… things that we can’t do to each other unless you are into ‘softbians’

2)The man is an additional pillar, not a replacement pillar

3)As much as a new relationship need nurturing, the old must continued to be nurtured, else it will die a natural death

4)We all need friends (at many different intellectual & emo levels), cos if and when anything happens, you can be rest assured that you still have another pillar to fall back on…*cos the truth is if you keep a distance away from friends far too long, that pillar may just crumble and disintegrate*

5)Dating is healthy, so are friends and occasional goss & shopping together!

6)Remember, GF are like a fibre optic network system – complicated but yet the kind of emotional support is amazing!

So, ladies, as much as we all enjoy having men around us, remember the very reasons we were created….we need each other as ‘ladies friendship’ offers us a level where we can just let our hair down, and be who we truly are…just girls who love to goss, talk about boys, share our pain and joys in ways when men just won’t get us!...It is a girl thing!...

p/s: Best Girlfriends – they know how crazy you are, and don’t mind being seen in public with you!

Men=cars

“Men are somewhat like cars…you’ve got to test-drive them to know if you will like them or not”

Monday....bring it on!

“I’m ready! I’m ready!”

Oh the wonders of Brazilian Wax!

I recently discovered that one of my close friend AC never had herself waxed before…in ANYWAY!!! Eeeewwwww…..

Anyway, this was what happened. I had walked into Strip at The Curve 2 weeks back to get my Brazilian wax *no no, nothing to do with the country nor the footballers!* and AC saw me. She promptly calls me on my mobile:

AC: Eh I saw u lah…walking into that funny place with the chimpanzee poster and some schmucks about stripping??? What the hell is that? And what u doing there?

ME: Oh AC! I cant talk now lah, I call u bek? Am about to get waxed…

AC: *being the person she is who never lets anything go before she gets an answer*…wait lah…wax?? Where? Your armpit??

ME: *slaps my forehead, rolled my eye balls*…errr…AC…Not just the armpit…but where there is hair!!! U get it get it??

AC: *Silence over the phone*…errr…no lah…why u pay to wax armpit hair lah? Just pull them out lah!

ME: *OMG!!!* AC…errr..i cant talk now..i really need to go..talk to you later?

AC: Wait wait…tell lah…what u waxing??

ME: *this is where my psychobitch personality sprung into action*..AC! For crying out loud..I am waxing my vajayjay, if you know what that is..so that it is clean, and when your man goes down on you, he doesn’t have to spit out furballs! Get it! Get it!!

AC:*silence*…..OMG! that is disgusting!!!! Waxing my pet pet and letting someone else see and touch it…nooooooo….okok..I get it! Bye woman! Enjoy! *hurriedly hangs up*

Waxing….what is so disgusting about it?? Every woman must have a wax done, at least once in their life time…cos once you’ve gone naked on it, you will never want those hair growing back!

What did I see?

Funny things I saw today,

Whilst walking in the Mall,

People of all races,

Girls of all ages,

Boys of any sizes,

A little wondering they all went,

As they move from shop to shop,

Thinking what they would buy,

But out they came,

All empty handed,

Farking hell lah !!!!Cos a new month has just started, and gone are most of the mullas!

Like a Virgin

Met with ML and Hammy 3 for dinner last night; ML was so excited to show me his latest toy…his new BlackBerry Curve!!! *yeah! Welcome to the Beri Hitam club ML*

So, anyway, we arrived and ML promptly wanted to add me on BBM (BlackBerry Messenger, in case some of you Steve Jobs supporter out there don’t know what it stands for!)

ML: Eh! Give me your BBM Pin no.

ME: Nah..here goes..xxxxxxx (ML keys it in)

We waited and we waited and we waited…hmmmm….but I was not getting his invite for a good farking bloody 10 mins…

ME: Oi! Not getting it lah…how?

ML: Scan the barcode lah. Come, give me your BB…we scan it then can lah

ME: Errr….u know how to scan ah cos I hv not done it before lah…*ML looks at me with disbelief*…..yah yah..i know I had this longer than u but never tried scanning lah…

ML: Just give me your phone woman!

Well, I passed him my BBM with the barcode opened and ready to scan with his…ML takes it and starts scanning with both our screens facing each other…*we see things happening on both our screens, like the barcode spinning and spinning, changing shapes, spins again….but nothing was happening!*

Hammy 3 arrives and saw what we were doing:

HAMMY 3: Guys, errrr…what on earth are the two of you doing?!!!

ML: Scanning the BBM barcode lah..but not working wei!

HAMMY 3: *slaps forehead*…how are u scanning it???? WHY THE HELL WERE U SCANNING WITH BOTH OF YOUR SCREENS FACING EACH OTHER!!!! Shy shy shy shy shy!!!! U guys don’t happen to be MY friend, right???

ML and I: OOHHH…U mean we don’t scan with SCREEN FACING EACH OTHER??LOL

HAMMY 3: Use the farking camera !!! face it towards the BB of the screen u are trying to capture!!!

ML and I: Ahhhh I seeeeeee….whoopsieeee!!!!

“Like a Virgin”….touched for the very first time…….BB Virgins…

Light Bulbs Moments

It’s been quite a weekend of “LightBulb Moments”.

Well, my “LightBulb Moments” weekend started when I discovered on a bright Sat morning that my phone was barred…and Psycho Bitch promptly swung into action with a call to DIGI Helpline:

ME: Hi, can I check why have you guys barred my calls??!!

HELPLINE: Pls give me a minute, I will check for you….well, ma’am looks like your bill has not been paid *pls note that I was not too amused to be referred to as Ma’am….hellloooooo….I am the Cougar!!! Didn’t she get the memo?*

ME: *Immediately flew into a rage* EXCUSE ME! What do you mean I have not paid? You BETTER check that stupid system cos I remember paying last THURSDAY!

HELPLINE: I am sorry Ma’am, but our system shows otherwise. Perhaps, if you can provide me with the reference receipt which was given to you by our centre, I can help you check?

ME:*Paused momentarily* …*wait a minute, I didn’t get any receipt….hmmm…hang on…where is that freaking receipt*…Hold on…let me look for that receipt…..*I swear to you I could not find ANY receipt!!!!*

HELPLINE: Ma’am…do you still want to hold or would you like to call back?

ME: *This is when I realized…she was right…I did not pay my bills….yikes .TING TING…I can see Light Bulbs lighting up like Xmas trees around me!*……oh ok ok…let me call you back! Thank you!!

Now now…how did that happened? You guys would not believe it if I told you that I thought I had paid….only in my DREAMS I did…so vivid the dream that I took it for real….hehehe!

And of course there was “LightBulb Moment no 2” on that same Sat, when Hammy 3 and I decided to pop by Adidas KLCC for some shopping therapy after RPM. (For those of you who don’t know me, I don’t carry any credit cards cos I don’t believe in owing the bank any money!)

So, anyway, Hammy 3 managed to pick out some pretty interesting stuff and I got my eye on this really cute bag; but obviously I didn’t have enough cash with me. So Hammy 3 paid for his stuff and turned to walk out of Adidas with me:

ME: Eh, I need to go to Maybank ATM….withdraw cash to get that bag…hehehe!

HAMMY 3: Aiyoo! U damn farking ma-fan lah! Get a bloody credit card lol! Is sooooo much easier…just swipe and pay!...:-P

ME:NO NO NO! I will not owe the bloody stupid bank anything!

HAMMY 3: Eh woman! Wait…U have a MBB ATM card??? Isn’t that a Debit Card too??

And I swear to you there was a “lightbulb moment” as Hammy 3 glared at me:

HAMMY 3: OI!!! You can pay with the ATM card lah …OMG!!!!! Shy lah! U sure u my hag ah???

ME: Oh yah hor…..oopsie daisie….

And marching back to Adidas we did to get my bag and discover the wonders of Debit Card! Not forgetting to have a clear demarcation between reality and dreams…cos I think the poor girl at the Helpline may have gone thru some nightmare……